Band-Aid on a Gunshot Wound
by TheLyricsAreMyStory
Summary: When the past comes back to haunt her, how will Carla deal with the memories of her darkest moments and can Nick help her to see the light? Rated T for mature themes.
1. Flashback

_**So this is a new Fanfiction, which I'm thinking of lengthening if people like it. Basically it's memories of the past start to come back and haunt her and Nick has to help Carla deal with it. Hope you like it and let me know what you think!**_

 **Band-Aid on a Gunshot Wound: Chapter 1:**

 **Flashback:**

"Don't you have any work to do Mrs Connor?" I hear Nick's voice from behind me and look up from my phone. He sits down next to me and he leans over to kiss me.

"Mm..." I mumble as chills rush down my spine, there was something about the way he kissed me, it set me on edge, filled me with life. He pulls away sharply, causing me to bite my lip to stop them from tingling.

"You need to stop distracting me from my work." He lowers his voice and I flash him a seductive grin.

"Oh yeah?" I raise my eyebrows. "What you gonna do about that?"

"Stop it." He whispers and I divert my eyes from him to the wooden clasp in the middle of the table, flirtatiously pulling a menu out.

"I would like to order..." I examine it. "A chicken salad."

"Right and will miss be wanting an alcoholic beverage to go with that?" He asks me. "Red wine perhaps?"

"Well yes I would actually." I hang off the word. "Because no one has come to take my order and so I will be filing a complaint to... Who is the manager of this place?" I laugh, and he rolls my eyes at the attempt at a joke.

"Yeah well, the _manager_ will be sure to make it up to you later on." He winks at me before kissing me again and rising to get my drink.

* * *

"Are you still here?" Nick approaches me, placing his hand down on the solid oak table as I take another sip of my wine.

"Not a problem is it?" I ask him. "Unless you want to throw me out Nicholas, in which case you'll have to get the hand cuffs ready."

"Carla Connor I swear to God." He shakes his head at me. "That factory will run riot without you."

"I'm perfectly fine doing my work here thank you." I prompt him. "Besides watching you dash around in your suit is very appealing."

"Well you're pumping money into my business and out of yours so..." Nick shrugs.

"Uh!" I exclaim. "I'm paying for these?"

"I've got a permanent tab set up in your name." He informs me. "So far you owe me about ten thousand glasses of red wine."

"Ah well it looks like we've both got some making up to do doesn't it?" I remind him and he scans the room before sliding into the booth next to me.

"Stop it." He nudges me and I giggle, shifting so I'm closer to him. I'm desperate to swing my legs over his lap but I knew it would be unprofessional whilst he was at work.

"About tonight." I twirl my hair around my finger.

"Tonight?" He questions, frowning slightly.

"Have you forgotten about the deals we made?" I focus my eyes on his, biting down on my lip to prevent me from giggling again. "We owe each other remember?"

"Oh right yeah..." He nods.

"Do you want to get back to work?" I divert the subject, aware that I was yet again distracting him from what he should be doing.

"No." He chuckles, linking his hand with mine. "However I _should_ be getting back to work."

"Ok, you win." I smile as he kisses me. "I love you."

"I know." He stands up, looking back at me. "I love you too."

* * *

"Oi have you got the latch on?" I hear Nick bang on the door and I run to it to pull it open.

"Mm." I smile, pulling him in and kissing him, he didn't even have time to get through the door before he is forced to slam it behind him with his foot.

"You're eager." He mumbles as I move down to kiss his neck seductively.

"You should know that by now." I whisper into his neck, as I massage his sensitive spots with my tongue, causing him to let out a satisfied moan.

"Don't let me take my jacket off then." He says and my hands immediately move to the silky material, as I pull it down from his shoulders.

"I'll help you with that." I tell him before moving back up to kiss his lips, my tongue parting them gently as it meets his. He moves to pin me up against the door and I gasp slightly at the collision. My mind suddenly flashes back at the momentum, Frank's face, Frank's lips, Frank's hands gripping my arm. Too tight. Let go. Fight him off. Too weak.

I continue to return the kiss as it becomes more forceful, one hand pressed against his chest in an attempt to secure myself. Pressure. Pushing down. Oppressing. My head bangs against the door, I feel dizzy, I feel dirty, I feel vulnerable. Empty, but so full of fear. Frank's hand on my thigh, pressing too hard, nails digging in, wanting me more than ever. No. Wanting to hurt me more than ever. Tights sliding down my legs, his hands cold against my exposed skin. Snap back to reality Carla. Carla. "Carla. Carla?"

I'm fighting him off, screaming, pushing him away, my hands covering my ears, tears streaming down my face.

"Hey?" Nick looks terrified, staring at me from a distance, focusing his eyes on mine, fear connecting with confusion. I can't breathe. I was shaking. Why was I shaking? Why was this happening? It had been over four years since it happened. It was the way I had hit the wall. It was the replay of my nightmares. I couldn't breathe. Try to breathe. "Carla?"

Nick is panicked as I slide down the wall, collapsing in a heap, gasping for breath. He's shocked, he's completely bewildered.

"Ok, slow breaths." He tries to communicate with me. "Gently, in and out." He comes to kneel in front of me, his eyes now full of concern. I was crying. I didn't want to cry. Even though I wasn't afraid of crying in front of him.

"Oh my God." I gasp, a hand clasped over my mouth as my breathing begins to regulate. "Oh my God I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"No." He says softly, calming me. "Don't be. Ok? Don't be."

"Just... Saw it." Is all I can say, my eyes finally meeting his again, panicked. I shift backwards slightly so I was fully propped up against the door.

"Did I hurt you?" He asks, suddenly concerned.

"No." I shake my head forcefully. "No, it's not your fault."

"Are you sure?" He checks, studying my fragile figure and I nod, reassuring him.

"Nick I'm so sorry." I manage to muster. "It's just... Being pushed against the door like that and... The way you were holding me... I don't know why because it never comes back to me..."

"Frank?" He practically whispers the name and I shudder.

"I'm sorry." I say again and he lets out a sigh, I can see how much I've hurt him by mentioning Frank, making him think that he reminded me of the hell I went through. "It's not your fault."

"Are you feeling any calmer now?" He asks gently and I nod, swallowing back any remaining strength as I wipe the tears from my cheeks. "...You do know I'd never hurt you don't you Carla?"

"Yes." I reply almost instantly, which was the truth. I trusted Nick with my life. "But I warned you... that I'd hurt you."

"And I said I'd take my chances." He smiles and I manage a weak one in return. "I suggest you get up for starters. Go sit on the sofa and chill out."

"Ok." I search his face for any comfort, I knew he was reluctant to touch me now. I pull myself up off the floor, steadying myself against the wall. I face him, my eyes levelling with his as he smiles at me warmly. I head over to the sofa and sit down on it awkwardly.

"Is there anything I can do?" He asks, noticing how scared I still looked.

"Hold me." Is all I can say and he doesn't hesitate before coming to sit next to me, wrapping his arms around my frame. My head falls into his chest, his embrace welcoming so that I didn't feel awkward or fearful anymore. It was just me and him. I feel his steady heartbeat and it calms me.

"I promise I will never let anything happen to you ok?" He finally whispers, as he places a kiss into my hair. "I love you."


	2. Nightmare

**Band-Aid on a Gunshot Wound: Chapter 2:**

 **Nightmare:**

"I want you to go. Now." I say in a panicked voice. He could tell I was scared, he could tell I was upset. He could tell that I felt like shit for letting him down so badly. I take my chances and my stride quickens as I approach the door. My urgency to get him out forced me forwards, his anger frightened me, heightened my desperation.

I struggle to find the latch, my hand shaking, before I feel a force compress me. A pair of arms grab me, tightening around the flesh underneath my cream blouse. I'm turned to face him, his breath hot on my face, my tears freezing on my cheeks. His eyes were wide, penetrating, evil. I try and push him off but he grasps me again, shoving me up against the harsh wood of the door. Fight him. Too weak. He moves in. I reject it. He's clawing at my thigh, his lips are rough against mine. Tearing at my tights, ripping open my blouse. Stop. Stop. I'm telling him to stop. He won't stop. Stop. "Stop. Stop."

"Hey, hey." I hear a voice, arms grasping mine.

"Get off me!" I yell. "No!"

"Carla!" Nick panics and my eyes fly open. "It's ok. It's ok."

"No." I pant, my heart racing, my breath ragged. My palms were sweating as I attempt to grip the bed sheets, moving backwards as best as I could.

"Calm down." He soothes. "It's ok, I'm here."

"He's here." I gulp back tears.

"He's not." He tells me. "Carla, he's dead. He's gone."

I connect my eyes with his as he processes my fear. I begin to calm as I hear his words. He was dead. He couldn't hurt me, not again.

"It was a nightmare." He reassures me, keeping his distance so as to not scare me. "It's all in the past."

"I'm sorry..." I finally manage to muster, my chest rising and falling consecutively. "I'm so sorry... Oh my God." I clasp a shaking hand over my mouth, trying to steady it. He hesitates before reaching out a hand slowly and stroking my hair, his touch makes me shiver slightly and he retracts. I study him for a few seconds before slowly moving closer, approaching him with caution as if I was a wild animal. He holds out his arms invitingly and I feel comfortable once they encase me. I could tell he was being delicate with me, as if I was a fragile object.

"It's over." He whispers, kissing my head before taking the liberty of running his fingers through it again. The soft motions calm me and I manage to close my eyes for a few seconds as my breathing returns to normal. I focus on his touch, his steady heartbeat, his secure arms. "You're safe now I promise."

"...Why is this happening?" I murmur, my voice broken and worn. "This hasn't happened for ages."

"I don't know sweetheart." He tells me, continuing to stroke my hair. "I'm sure it's just a one off, after yesterday."

"...I'm so scared." I finally say, my voice shaky.

"I know but you don't need to be." He sighs, slowly running his thumb up and down my forearm and at the sound of his voice I begin to fall back to sleep. "I'm here. I promise you, I'll always be here."

* * *

"You're going into work?" Nick asks as I leave the bedroom, done up in all black and minimal make-up.

"Well why shouldn't I?" I ask, not aware it sounded so harsh until it escaped my lips. "...I'm fine, seriously."

"Are you sure?" He questions, knowing not to try and negotiate with me.

"Yeah." I tell him, picking my bag up before going over to kiss him lightly. "Bye then."

"Uh... Have you eaten?" He's careful not to grab my wrist in an attempt to stop me.

"No..." I sigh, knowing there was no use lying to him. He was good at finding holes in my stories.

"Right well I'm making you something." He tells me.

"Nick, I'm fine." I stress. "I'm gonna be late otherwise."

"I'm not letting you go on an empty stomach." He argues.

"I'll get something from Roy's." I give in.

"Ok well in that case I'm coming with you." He grabs his keys and I raise my eyebrows at him.

"I don't need a babysitter Nicholas." I remind him. "Or your pity."

"Nope." He shakes his head. "But you do need to eat, so come on. You don't want to be late do you?"

He ushers me out of the flat before linking his hand with mine, shutting the door behind us.

* * *

"Late." Aidan scolds as I enter the factory office, placing my bag down on my desk.

"Yeah well don't blame me, blame Nick." I sigh, sitting down in my chair.

"Oh... Too much information." He flashes me a cheeky grin.

"Not like that." I glare at him.

"Ok..." He holds his hands up. "Someone got out of the wrong side of bed this morning."

"Uh... You don't know the half..." I put my head in my hands exasperatedly. "So what's going on this morning?"

"Kate and Kirk have got to get this order shipped by lunch." Aidan informs me, checking his clipboard. "So I've put Sally in charge of checking that's going smoothly."

"Lucky them." I sigh.

"And the machinists are working on this Saunders order." He points through the window to where they were gossiping away.

"Yeah well it doesn't look like much work is going on." I mutter, rising to pull the door open. "Ey!" I shout, storming over as my heels clack on the cold floor. "This order needs to be done by Friday, what's all the gossiping about?"

"Sorry Mrs Connor." Beth pipes up. "It's just Craig's got this-"

"I don't care Beth." I snap. "Unless what Craig has 'got' is two hundred pairs of flaming knickers, then I'm not interested. Now get back to work please." I begin to walk away. "Honestly, if I paid you to yak and drink tea, you'd be quids in."

"That told them." Aidan says as I enter the office again.

"Yeah well they need to be kept under control." I inform him. "They're good little workers but once they get their gobs going, there's no stopping them."

"Yes I have met them, remember?" Aidan reminds me and I turn my computer on, trying to focus on work.

* * *

"You're entitled to a lunch break surely." Nick opens the door to the office and I look up.

"Yeah." I nod. "And I will."

"It's twenty to three." He indicates to the clock. "I didn't see you in the Bistro as I usually do."

"Hello to you too by the way." I force a smile, trying to make an effort, aware that Aidan was eyeing us up from the corner.

"Hello." He smiles, bending down to kiss me before sitting on the edge of my desk. He pulls a plastic box out of his pocket and hands it to me.

"What's this?" I frown, opening it up and finding three mini chicken wraps.

"Lunch." He tells me, placing the coffee he was holding down on my desk along with a flapjack wrapped in cling film. "I figured if you weren't gonna come to me, I'd bring it to you."

"What a gentleman." Aidan finally pipes up.

"Thanks." I say appreciatively, despite the fact I wasn't overly hungry. I pull one out and bite into it, the flavour filling my bland mouth. "How's work?"

"Busy." He replies.

"Well then I feel bad for stealing you." I say.

"Mm..." He nods, his eyes narrowing. "Was that a hint?"

"No." I shake my head. "But if you don't get back you'll get sacked."

"It's my restaurant." He points out.

"Well then you'll sack yourself." I retaliate.

"Well then I'll just come and be the new male model for this place." He kisses me on the nose and I giggle slightly.

"You'd be good at that." I grin and Aidan lets out a slight groan.

"Ugh... Please." He laughs. "Enough mental images."

"Hmm... Yeah ok on that note, I'll get off." Nick kisses me one last time before leaving.

"Relationship goals." Aidan jokes after a short silence and I throw a pen at him in annoyance.

* * *

I sigh as I enter the flat, throwing my keys down on the sideboard.

"You'll never believe the afternoon I've had." I call out, taking my jacket off and going to put it on the sofa before I notice Carla, sleeping soundly, legs curled up beneath her. I smile slightly at how peaceful she looks, clearly having fallen asleep when she got in. I gently move a lock of hair that has fallen over her face and curl it round her ear.

I go over to pick the blanket up that rested on the arm chair and shake it out before laying it over her body. I ensure that it is tucked round her feet and arms so that she isn't cold before kissing her on the forehead. "Goodnight beautiful." I whisper and turn the light out.


	3. Pretences

**Band-Aid on a Gunshot Wound: Chapter 3:**

 **Pretences:**

"Nick?" I hear her yell from the living room and I am up instantly, pulling the door open in panic. She's sat at one end of the sofa, knees pulled up to her chest, shaking like a lost little girl.

"What the hell is going on?" I ask, but softly because I already had an idea.

"...It happened again." She stammers, despite the fact she seemed a lot more aware than the previous night.

"I'll make you a coffee." I smile, not wanting to initiate any physical contact. Her eyes follow me as I walk past her, resisting the urge to squeeze her on the shoulder.

"...Do you believe me?" Her words are weak but they still cut through me as I place my hand on the kettle.

"Believe what?" I turn to look at her.

"That I was raped." She concludes and I freeze slightly, trying to muster the words to respond with.

"Carla..." I sigh, my heart falling slightly. "How can you even ask that?"

"Because people didn't believe me..." She croaks. "At the time I mean."

I exhale loudly, holding a hand up to massage my forehead. I didn't understand why all of this was being brought up again, she hadn't mentioned Frank or the rape once since we had got together. I was concerned it was something to do with me that was bringing it all back to her.

"Can I give you a hug please?" I ask bluntly, the space between us was killing me when all I wanted to do was comfort her. I leave the kettle and squash down next to her on the sofa. She shifts onto my lap, so that her back was resting up against the arm of the sofa. I wrap my arms around her as she leans her head onto my shoulder. "Of course I believe you." I nudge her slightly and she forces a smile. "Listen... Whatever is going on. You'll get past it. Ok?"

"I'm pathetic." She whispers.

"No, you are not." I say firmly. "You're far from pathetic Carla. So don't say that again."

"...He called me pathetic." She mumbles and I try and restrain my anger at Frank. Inflicting this much pain on her. Emotionally scarring her with every word that left his mouth. He should be glad he was dead because if I got my hands on him, I'd do a lot worse.

"Yeah well he's scum." I tell her. "You shouldn't listen to anything he told you. It's all lies."

"Even when he told me I was beautiful?" She asks and I give her a look.

"Yeah well that was true..." I kiss her on the forehead. "But I'll be the one to tell you that, thank you."

* * *

"That's two steak and ale pies and a children's penne pasta." Steph yells into the kitchen before coming over to where I was stood against the bar. "Nick, a white wine, a bottle of lager and a lemonade, table four. If you're not too busy."

"What?" I snap back to reality. "Ah yeah, course... On it... Red wine?"

"White wine." She corrects me as I nod, going to pour out the drinks. "...Are you alright?"

"Ey? Oh yeah, yeah I'm fine." I reassure her.

"Well you look tired." She flashes me a smile before heading to another table with a tray.

"You do look tired." I hear Carla's voice and spin around at the sound of it.

"Oh..." I say in surprise, as she takes yet another of my straws out of the glass container. She had a habit of chewing on them whenever she came in here. "I didn't notice you."

"Evidently." She smiles and I was pleased to see she was in a better mood.

"How are you feeling?" I ask, aware that I was still supposed to be preparing drinks.

"I'm ok." She nods. "...You're not."

"Oh well thanks." I grin, pouring out the lemonade and placing it on a tray. "Steph? Table four."

"On it." She waves briefly at Carla before taking the tray off my hands. I finally get the chance to go over to her and lean over the bar, kissing her gently. "Red wine?"

"Ah no." She sighs, reaching for my hand and linking our fingers carefully. "I just wanted to see you."

"Aw..." I kiss her again. "Well that's nice of you."

"I wanted to say that... I was sorry." She tells me and I raise a finger to her lips.

"Uh no, we don't say that word." I remind her. "...There's no need to be sorry, at all. It's a few nightmares, I'm sure it'll all have subsided now. Plus you look a lot happier today."

"Yeah I am." She agrees. "I'm hoping everything will have returned to normal now."

"You? Normal?" I laugh and she hits me lightly.

"I told you before, I can do normal." She says and I raise my eyebrows. "...I can try and do normal."

"You don't have to be normal." He chuckles. "I love you for being your own... Different self."

"Shut up." She giggles, kissing me again.

* * *

"Hello Carla." I greet as I feel her arms tighten around my waist. She stands on her tiptoes and leans her head on my shoulder, her hair tickling my cheek.

"Hello Nicholas." She smiles, placing a kiss on my neck.

"You're in a good mood." I finish stirring the rice and put it back in the microwave, before turning to look at her. She wraps her arms around my neck and my hands slide around the small of her back.

"Mm..." She mumbles, kissing me. "Well why wouldn't I be?"

"...You don't have to pretend." I dare to say and my breath catches in my throat as I do so. Why did I say that? She was happy for a second... I watch her face fall as she releases her arms, shooting me the best smile she could to pretend I hadn't hurt her. "I'm sorry..."

"No it's fine." She shakes it off, squeezing my hand.

"No it's not." I grab her wrist and she flinches as I immediately retract myself. She holds it in her other hand defensively, her eyes full of panic. Did she think I was going to hurt her? "Sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"Nick seriously it's ok." She shakes her head, but still holding her wrist close to her chest.

"Uh..." I groan, putting my head in my hands. "I hurt you."

"No you didn't." She reassures me. "Nick, you didn't."

"You flinched." I tell her and she steps closer to me.

"I'm just on edge at the moment." She sighs, placing her hand on my shoulder. "Hey?"

"I'm so bad..." I continue to moan and she wraps her arms round my shoulders.

"Nick?" She says. "Hmm? I love you. Ok? It's ok."

"Yeah, I'm supposed to be the one telling you that." I sigh and she moves my head to face her.

"Neither of us are as strong as we pretend to be." She whispers, kissing me before leaning her forehead against mine. "I don't admit that to anyone."

"You don't need to admit it." I murmur as our arms find each other, drowning in the embrace we become wrapped in. "I already know."


	4. Catalyst

**Band-Aid on a Gunshot Wound: Chapter 4:**

 **Catalyst:**

"Right, I've got this meeting with Sid Altry this evening." I remind Nick, walking out of the bathroom as he hands me a plate of toast. "So I might not be back till late, but I suppose you'll be working."

"How late?" He asks and I shrug, taking a bite of toast.

"Seven." I guess. "So you can be our waiter for the evening."

"Oh ok, I'll eat by myself then." He rolls his eyes.

"Sorry baby, you know I'd rather be eating with you." I kiss him and his eyes move to my forehead once we retract.

"Yeah yeah." He smiles, planting a kiss on my skin.

* * *

"Uh, Johnny is the table booked under your name?" I ask, as I enter the Bistro with Aidan, he was already sat drinking a pint and chatting to Nick.

"...Well it's the same name either way." He reminds me.

"Oh yeah." I frown and Nick laughs at me. "Oi you!"

"Yeah hello to you and all." He raises his eyebrows before I go over to kiss him.

"Public display of affection, cover your eyes." Aidan drones and I shoot him a look as Nick wraps his arm around my waist.

"Haha." I glare at him before turning back to my boyfriend. "Ok so is _our_ table ready then?"

"Yes, right over there." He points to it.

"Mm." I nod, smiling. "Ok, uh... Four glasses of-"

"Red. Yeah, I got it." He grins and I kiss him once more before going over to take our seats.

* * *

"So you know what you need to know, we know what we need to know..." Aidan indicates to the figures in front of Sid.

"All there is to do now is sign." I finish his sentence.

"You always were one for cutting straight to the point." Sid eyes me up cautiously.

"Well what more do you want?" Johnny asks him. "From what I can see you've got thirty units for a bargain."

"Ey? You'd like to pay it would you?" Sid retaliates.

"Refill?" Nick automatically pours me another glass of red and I smile at him appreciatively. "Looks like you need it." He whispers and I nod as he walks off.

"So, Mr Altry, let's not mess around with this." I flash him a smile. "Are we in business, or not?"

"Well you've always been good to me." He moves to place a hand on my arm. No. I flinch. I try to cover it up but his hand is hanging in midair.

"You ok Carla?" Aidan asks, humour in his voice which irritates me slightly.

"Yeah I'm fine sorry." I force a smile before his hand falls down on to my knee. I gasp at his touch and he looks taken aback again. "Don't touch me please." I say, harsher than I intend.

"I was only touching your leg, look." He places it back and I stand up abruptly.

"I SAID DON'T TOUCH ME!" I yell and he rises from his chair, alarmed, trying to calm me down.

"Chill out." He grabs my arms in his and I fight him off, screaming the place down. He finally lets go and I feel another pair of hands on my shoulders.

"NO!" I continue to scream, receiving panicked looks from customers at my uproar.

"Ok." I hear Nick's voice soothe me and I relax slightly. "It's ok darling shh..."

"What the hell is wrong with her?" I hear Sid ask.

"I'm sorry, very sorry." Aidan apologises, ushering him out. "I have no idea what's going on..."

"It's ok." Nick repeats and I fall onto his shoulder, crying my eyes out.

"What the hell was that for?" Aidan snaps, storming back in, whilst Johnny sits bewildered at the table.

"Leave it." Nick warns, rubbing my back in circular motions.

"HE WOULDN'T LET GO!" I scream and Aidan holds his hands up.

"Steph, can you clear the place please?" Nick asks and I hear her mutter a response. "Tell them not to worry about bills, it's on the house."

"You're a mess." Aidan practically spits before I hear him walk away. I was a mess. I was scarred and tortured and haunted. What I wanted to know was why this had suddenly started happening now.

"Calm down, it's ok." He whispers, stroking my hair softly. "Hey?" He places a finger under my chin and moves me to look at him. "Sit down, I'll get you some water." He helps me into a booth and I wipe my eyes, feeling stupid. No, stupid was far too easy. I was a disgrace. I'd emptied the Bistro with my meltdown, ridded us of a successful order and made myself look like a complete idiot. "Here you go." He places it down in front of me and I look at it for a few seconds. Why was he being so nice to me? I ruined everything for him. I gave him a bad reputation. I burst out into tears again and he sighs, sympathetically. "Oh sweetheart..." He sits down next to me, letting me lean my head in his chest before he wraps his arms around me.

"I'm so stupid." Is all I can say.

"No you are not stupid." He says firmly, kissing me on the forehead.

"Yes I am!" I practically shout, pulling away from him and I could see how pained his expression was at seeing me this way. "I don't understand Nick! I don't get why this is all happening now. Someone lays a finger on me and I freak out. Four years it's been. Over four years and it hasn't bothered me this much until now."

"Maybe... We need to get you some help." He sighs and my eyes widen in panic.

"No." I shake my head, my heart rate increasing again. "No, Nick no. Please. Don't-"

"Ok." He soothes, concern in his eyes. "Alright, we don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"...Are you going to leave me?" I ask, weakly and the hurt in his face tells me everything.

"Carla." He exhales. "I'm not going anywhere. That's something I can promise you."

"I love you." I whisper and he smiles warmly at me, holding his arms back out which I gratefully accept.

"I love you too." He tells me, running his fingers gently through my hair as I drift off to sleep, content in his embrace, with the calming music from the Bistro playing in my ears.


	5. Dysfunctional

**Band-Aid on a Gunshot Wound: Chapter 5:**

 **Dysfunctional:**

"Why did you leave me?" I ask, storming out of the bedroom when I hear the lock click in the front door.

"I went to get you breakfast." He holds up a paper bag and coffee cup.

"I needed you." I yell, tears escaping my eyes without warning.

"Hey." He puts the things he is carrying down and observes me with a concerned look. "Has something happened?"

"Don't go without telling me!" I cry, trying my best to force the tears back.

"I'm sorry." He says calmly, wrapping his arms around me. "Flipping heck Carla... You're ok."

"Don't say that. Don't you dare say that." I push him off, running my hands through my hair. "And don't touch me either."

"It's me." He whispers, I was clearly hurting him because his emotions conveyed it to me.

"I know who it is." I continue to retaliate.

"You need to sleep." He sighs. "You're shattered sweetheart-"

"Yeah well I can't!" I shout, grabbing my bag and not looking back at him before slamming the door.

* * *

"Oh so she is alive then." Aidan practically spits as I enter the office. "So are you gonna tell us the reason behind your meltdown last night?"

"Shut up." I snap, slumping down in my chair.

"Well no. I won't _shut up_." He responds bluntly. "Because last night you lost us a huge order with your pathetic... Fun and games."

"Fun and games?" I raise my head to look at him and he observes the extent of my appearance.

"Carla you look awful." Aidan lowers his tone slightly.

"Ah thanks." I gulp back tears but he can see I'm hurt. It's either break or flee and so I stand up abruptly, exiting the office and heading for the toilets. I ignore the inquisitive looks of the machinists and push the door open, practically collapsing over the sink. I turn the water on and gasp for air, keeling over the unit, running my hands under the cool liquid and splashing it on my face. "Uh..." I groan, squeezing my eyes shut.

I was going to be sick.

I am pushed for time to reach the toilet before vile tasting acid escapes my mouth, pouring into the basin I was clasping on to. The stench of trauma and poison floods my sinuses and I gag, releasing any further contents from my stomach into the water below.

I sit for ages with my back against the wall of the cubicle, not caring in the slightest about the lack of hygiene on the toilet floor. When I finally do stand and flush the toilet, I'm lightheaded and grab back onto the sink, running the water again. I finally look at my face in the mirror and am slightly taken aback at my appearance. My eyes were sunken, with dark circles underneath them. My skin was pale, my hair was tangled and the remnants of last night's mascara had smudged on my cheeks.

"Mrs Connor." The toilet door flies open and Sally appears. "I was just wondering if-"

"GET OUT!" I yell and she looks like a frightened animal before swiftly closing the door again. I am standing with my head hung over the sink for a while before I hear a faint knock on the door. "Who is it?"

"The man who loves you." I hear Nick's voice and felt weak for wanting his comfort right now. "Aidan texted... Look I know you don't want to talk or even see me right now, but I just want to check you're ok."

"I'm fine." I respond, my voice broken, which explains everything. I didn't move from where I was balanced but Nick remains outside of the door.

"Do you know what fine really means?" He asks and I roll my eyes. "Feeling insecure, numb and-"

"Empty." I finish his sentence. "Yeah I taught you that, remember?"

"Yes." He replies. "When you were trying to get through to me."

"Yeah and do you remember what else happened that day?" I ask, approaching the door slowly. "I came to tell you that I wanted to be with you. But you already got some other woman pregnant."

"Yeah some other woman that I didn't love." He says without thinking, my head was balanced against the door now. "...Which stopped me from being with the one I did."

"You made a big mistake you know?" I sigh against the door. "Falling in love with me."

"Probably yeah." He admits. "But I couldn't help it could I? I made a promise to you and myself that I wouldn't let you get hurt. That I wouldn't let you fight your battles alone. You've taught me that you're not an easy woman to fall in love with. But I'm still teaching you that I'm going nowhere. I just wish you could learn that as fast as you learnt the wrong things, from the wrong people."

I hate the fact that my eyes are brimming with tears again. He was my life support, I couldn't bear to push him away, but I hated having something to depend on. Something to help me, when I was supposed to be this strong, independent woman on the exterior. I slowly pull the door open a crack, my eyes meeting his like a little child. I can see his need to hold me, to protect me. I can see how much I'm killing him, by the way this is killing me. It kills me. It was a cycle of loving and dying, that right now I just wanted to give into.

I don't say anything as I pull the door open wider, my eyes glistening with tears. He wraps his arms around me and let's out a relieved sigh. A sigh that communicates that I am ok, that he is holding me and that when we are this close, he won't let anything happen to me. I cling onto his shirt, soaking it with silent tears.

"Come home, please." He whispers into my hair and I allow him to make my decisions for me as he guides me out of the now empty factory.

* * *

"Here." I pass Carla a mug, which she accepts gratefully, holding it tightly between her cold hands. "Are you hungry? I can make you something to eat?"

"I'm ok." She shakes her head and I raise my eyebrows.

"I think you're far from ok." I smile, sitting down in the arm chair so I wasn't invading her space.

"I'm a stubborn cow." She pouts slightly.

"Well yes." I reply.

"And selfish and ignorant and dysfunctional." She continues.

"I would agree with that." I laugh and she tries to shoot me a look, a small smile appearing on her lips as she does so. "But I wouldn't have it any different."

She hesitates before standing up and coming to sit herself in my lap, draping her legs over the arm of the chair and laying her head on my shoulder. I wrap my arms around her frame and she sighs, content with our embrace.

"I do love you, you know?" She murmurs, playing with my tie as I kiss her on the forehead.

"Well good." I smile breathing into her skin. "I love you too and I'm going to help you through whatever this is. For that reason and so many more."

* * *

I don't move for hours after she has fallen asleep in my arms. Until the tick of the clock tells me that it's so past late that it's early. I shift one arm under her shoulders and another under her waist, picking her up effortlessly and carrying her into the bedroom. I tuck her up, pulling the covers up to her chin and climb into bed next to her.

This time I was not going to leave her. Never again would I let her be alone.


	6. Dependence

**Band-Aid on a Gunshot Wound: Chapter 6:**

 **Dependence:**

I watch her sleep peacefully, dreading the moment she will start tossing and turning or screaming out. But she doesn't. I watch her eyelids flutter open as she adjusts to her surroundings.

"Morning." I whisper and she flinches ever so slightly at the sound of my voice. "Oh, sorry."

"Morning." She mumbles, as if nothing had happened. She smiles at me as she rolls onto her side, meeting my eyes with hers.

"You slept well." I murmur and she frowns slightly.

"Did you carry me to bed again?" She asks and I let out a slight laugh.

"Yeah, you fell asleep on me." I tell her and she bites her lip adorably.

"Sorry." She rubs her eyes, making croaky noises as she always does when she begins to wake up.

"It's a blessing." I begin to wrap a lock of her hair around my finger. "...So you had no nightmares?"

"Not that I can remember." She breathes a sigh of relief and this fills me with happiness. Maybe we were finally getting over this.

* * *

"Do you think it'll stop now?" I hear Carla's quiet voice from behind me and turn to see her leaning up against the doorframe.

"I hope so." Is what I reply with and she gives me a warm smile.

"Aidan hates me." She says and I shake my head.

"He doesn't hate you at all." I tell her. "He texted me yesterday saying he was worried about you."

"I don't want to tell him..." She trails off.

"Well you don't have to." I respond. "I need to pop out for a bit, will you be ok?"

"Oh yeah... Sorry, you have to work." She sighs.

"...No I'll stay." I take my jacket off. She wasn't aware that my intentions weren't actually to go to work, but I didn't want to risk leaving her.

"No, Nick." She frets. "Go please, it's alright."

"Are you sure?" I ask and she nods confidently. "Ok well if anything happens or you need anything you ring me, straight away. Promise?"

"Promise." She smiles as I kiss her, before putting my jacket back on and leaving.

* * *

"Steve, hi." I greet as I enter the Rovers. "Is Michelle in?"

"Uh, yeah." He nods. "Shall I go and get her for you?"

"Well... Is there any chance I could come through to the back?" I ask. "It's kind of important."

"Oh... Yeah, go ahead." He indicates and I smile at him appreciatively as I head for the back room.

"Oh hi Nick." Michelle says as she sees me enter, she was sat alone at the dining table, filling in some sheets of some sort.

"Sorry am I disturbing you?" I question.

"No not at all." She shuffles them to one side. "Take a seat, what's up?"

"Well um... It's Carla." I cut straight to the point and her face falls.

"Oh God... What's she done?" She panics. "She's not gambling again?"

"No, no it's not like that." I reassure her. "She's... Getting these flashbacks of... Well the past."

"The past?" She frowns.

"Frank." I confirm and she looks taken aback. "She's started having nightmares and panic attacks and it's really affecting her."

"Well why now?" Michelle inquires, confused. "This all happened years ago."

"Well exactly that's what neither of us understand." I say, softly. "But I mean, it's really taking its toll on her. The other day, she had a melt down in the Bistro because a client touched her leg. I hear her crying in the bathroom each morning. She wakes up shaking and screaming, flinches when I touch her. I just don't really know what to do."

"Have you tried getting her some help?" Michelle asks.

"You know what Carla's like." I sigh. "She won't, she freaked out at the idea when I suggested it... I wondered maybe if you had any advice."

"Me?" She narrows her eyes.

"Yeah I mean, you've been her best friend for well... Ever." I remind her. "You were the closest person to her aside from Peter after the rape and I can't really talk to him."

"Well I was away for a lot of it..." She trails off.

"Yeah but she must have told you things, when you got back." I persist, desperate to understand what was going on.

"...Well it scarred her." Michelle practically whispers, I could tell the topic rarely came up. "There's things I was never supposed to tell anyone but..."

"Please Chelle." I beg and she bites her lip.

"...After it happened, she was a mess." She continues. "She went back to drinking, she couldn't sleep, she couldn't eat. She felt so weak and that's something that Carla hates feeling. You know? He took her strength, he took everything and left her feeling empty and dirty and used... Which lead to..."

"What?" I say quietly, dreading the response.

"Well she tried to... To kill herself." The words escape her mouth painfully and I gasp slightly as I process them. I didn't want to cry, not now, but I could so easily. She could see I had no words to reply with so she continues anyway. "She overdosed on sleeping pills... She felt so alone and worthless and she just wanted to end it all. She was so close Nick. If she hadn't been found by Peter and Leanne as soon as she was, she wouldn't be here today... That's how Frank made her feel. He ruined her. He destroyed her... I can't bear to think that it's affecting her again..."

"I can't..." Is all I can muster and she gives me a sympathetic look.

"You need to show her you are there for her." She explains. "Make sure she knows she's not alone like she was last time. I don't know what's going on Nick, but whatever it is, it doesn't sound good."

"And if she pushes me away?" I stress and she sighs.

"I suggest you talk to Maria." She suggests. "As I said, I wasn't there for a lot of it but Maria was her emotional crutch when it happened. I think she'll know a lot more about how she felt and acted if you spoke to her."

"Ok." I nod, getting up. "Thanks Michelle, you're a great help."

"Nick." She calls and I turn to face her. "If you need anything, either of you, I'm always here."

"Thank you." I smile before leaving.

* * *

I press the buzzer to the salon flat with confidence and I hear Maria's voice almost instantly.

"Hello?" She asks.

"Hi Maria, it's Nick... Tilsley." I tell her. "Do you mind if I come up for a second?"

"Uh... Yeah suppose." I can hear the confusion in her voice. It didn't surprise me, we talked very little nowadays, despite the fact we dated and I proposed to her once. But that was over ten years ago. "...Hello."

"Hello." I respond bluntly, entering her flat. She coughs awkwardly, waiting for me to strike up a conversation about why I was here. "I need to talk to you..."

"You said that when you returned from Canada." She says shiftily, was she making this deliberately awkward?

"Yeah well, it's not about that... Topic." I explain and she nods.

"Do you want a brew?" She asks, turning to put the kettle on.

"I need to talk to you about Frank Foster." I come right out and say it and her hand pauses in midair. I was aware that some sort of sexual assault had taken place between her and Frank beforehand and so needed to be careful with the subject.

"...Why?" She questions quietly, trying to conceal the panic in her expression.

"Look... I wouldn't ask if I wasn't desperate." I sigh. "I don't know why but it's troubling her quite badly at the moment and I know you were the one who stuck by her after it all..."

"Sit down." She smiles and I breathe a sigh of relief. "The first thing you should know is that Frank is the most cruel... Evil human I ever met. He didn't just rape her Nick, he emotionally abused her, brainwashed her, all through their relationship. Then after the rape he didn't stop terrorising her, he turned up at her work place, he sent his mother round to try and convince her to drop the charges, he exposed her affair with Peter, made her out to be a liar... It was possibly the worst point in her life."

"I hate him." I mutter, my anger brewing yet again.

"Yeah so did I." Maria continues. "I still do. I hate him for what he did to Carla and for what he did to me. He scared us, he manipulated us, treated us like objects... I'm so glad she's got you now though Nick because... Well I know you're a good bloke. You showed me that... I was just stupid enough to mess it up."

Well that was awkward.

"Anyway, she'll push you away." She continues diverting the subject. "She did the same to me, the same to Peter, the same to anybody who wanted to help her. But you can't let her, because if you do, she'll completely isolate herself and when she does that, she does stupid things."

"...Like the suicide attempt." A lump forms in my throat as I say it and she looks shocked at my knowledge.

"Did Carla tell you?" She inquires.

"Chelle." I tell her. "Just been to see her now."

There's a long pause whilst she reconciles the information, wringing her hands as she does so.

"...I remember the day Peter told me." She virtually whispers. "I remember seeing her so broken, so close to death. Yet she didn't stop trying to push me away. I told her she couldn't be there, that all the memories stored in that flat weren't helping. Carla's possibly the hardest woman on this street to get through to. You deserve a medal for the progress you've made with her, how you've treated her. I don't think she's ever felt so loved before."

"There's so much I still don't know about her." I murmur, referring to the information I had learnt today.

"No one knows her completely." Maria smiles. "She's Carla Connor, she keeps herself to herself, she hates dragging up the past. She lives very much in the present, not dwelling on what's already happened or thinking about what's going to happen. She lives each day as it occurs, one step at a time thinking she's this strong woman, made of iron that no one can break. That's the one thing we do know that she doesn't; she's not. She's a little girl who was brought up by people who didn't love her, so she's scared to fall in love because she knows the effect it can have... I don't know... I'm getting carried away... I haven't spoken to her for ages. She would probably hate to think that you were here now talking to me."

"No." I shake my head. "Thank you... I didn't realise how much you knew about her."

"Well I don't." She responds and I look at her cautiously. "That's what I learnt about her... After it all..."

"The night of the rape." I dare to bring up. "You were there... What happened?"

"...I got a phone call from her, she sounded... Weak, vulnerable. I'd never heard her sound like that before so I knew something was up." She gulps. "As soon as I got round there I could tell what he had done. She was sat in a heap on the floor, shaking, drooling, crying, a complete mess. Shocked... More than anything I think. I told her that I knew he had done it and she nodded and told me he raped her. Those words were the hardest words she ever said to me. Harder than the time she told me to go and tell Liam I was pregnant the night he died... She was ruined and it terrified me..."


	7. Betrayal

**Band-Aid on a Gunshot Wound: Chapter 7:**

 **Betrayal:**

He walks in to find me stood with a glass of wine in my hand, leant up against the kitchen counter.

"Has something happened?" Nick asks, observing me cautiously.

"What just because I'm having a drink?" I lie, despite the fact I wanted to tell him that yes, I was drinking in order to get these images out of my mind. The images that haunt me. "Where have you been?"

"Work, I told you." He tells me and I shake my head, a smirk appearing on my lips.

"Really?" I slur slightly. "Is that why you weren't there when I went looking for you?"

"...Well I was probably on my break." He lies. "I told you to text me if there was a problem."

"Didn't want to phone you. I wanted you." I say in a spoilt tone. "Is that why Andy said you weren't working today?"

"Oh no..." He puts his head in his hands and I glare at him.

"'Oh no'. Yeah 'oh no'." I spit. "You haven't been in all day! Where have you been Nick?"

"Ok calm down." He soothes, reaching for my glass.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I yell and his eyes widen in shock. The glass slips through my fingers and smashes on the floor, red liquid flooding over my bare feet.

"I'm not going to." He holds his hands up, as if I was some sort of vicious animal. "Can you please move out of the way of that glass though Carla?"

"No." I respond, deliberately stamping on it as a searing pain shoots through the sole of my foot. "Ah..."

"Carla!" He grabs me, sliding a hand around my waist and I scream, fighting him off. He's picked me up, he's carrying me and I'm hitting him hard.

"GET OFF ME!" I yell, slapping him round the face with full force as he drops me on to the sofa.

"STOP ACTING LIKE A CHILD!" He shouts, which shocks me slightly, Nick never got angry at me. He lifts his hand to where his cheek is now bright red from where I had hit him.

"...Do you know how this feels?" I murmur, my voice weak after a long silence. "Hmm? I can't get rid of him."

"I need to see to your foot." He diverts the subject and I try to get up, much to his annoyance. "Sit down."

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO." I warn him. "LEAVE ME ALONE."

"YOU KNOW I'M NOT GONNA DO THAT CARLA." He yells back at me sternly.

"WHY NOT?" I spit.

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU." He concludes and I go silent for a few seconds. "...Can you let me clean that up please?"

"...I don't need help." I say weakly, even though I was beginning to doubt it myself.

"Ok..." He nods. "Let's start with step one, a coffee."

"I'd rather have a glass of red." I slur.

"Yeah well tough." He replies.

"Why?" I ask.

"Because you're drunk." He responds, as if I didn't already know.

"...Why don't you just walk away?" I question.

"I've already answered that." He says, walking off to put the kettle on.

"I'm not worth it you know?" I continue.

"Keep pushing me." He sighs, before turning to face me. "Go on. Keep forcing me away, with your insults and self pity. You can keep trying Carla, but I'm not going anywhere. So just get used to it... Ok? I'm not Peter or Frank or Tony or any of the men who left you. I'm not going anywhere, I'm here to help you get through this. You _will_ get through this. But not on your own."

He meant it. I could tell. I was done testing him, he had proved that he wasn't leaving me to it.

"...I'm sorry." I gulp, my voice hoarse. I try to stand up to go over to him but he holds his hand out.

"Don't move, until I've cleaned that up." He orders.

"Nick..." I whimper and tears slide down my cheeks. "I'm a mess."

"Stay still." He says as he begins to wipe the blood off my foot with a warm cloth. He's gentle pulling the shards of glass out and placing them onto a piece of kitchen roll.

"Ow." I mumble at one point.

"Sorry, I'm being as careful as I can." He whispers, glad of the peace and quiet now I had shut up. It made me happy to know he knew where the first aid kit was kept and I never knew he was so good at tying bandages. But once he was done I was crying both out of physical and emotional pain. I wanted him to hold me and tell me it would be alright, but I'd probably already blown it by being a bitch as usual.

"Nick..." I repeat, trying to pull myself up but failing, I was dizzy from the drink. "Please..." He comes back over to me after putting things away and just studies me for a few seconds. "I'm desperate." I whisper, which was something I never ever said. I didn't even know what I was trying to achieve, random words kept escaping my mouth. I could see how painful it was for him to see me like this.

"Listen to me." He murmurs, lifting me up so that he could sit on the sofa, placing me gently on his lap. My head is tilted against the arm of the sofa so I could look up into his eyes. He strokes my hair softly, wiping my tears away with his other hand. "You need to trust me and you need to accept that I want to help you."

"I know." I cry, aware that I was a complete state as he rocked me slowly in his arms.

"Ok, I'm going to get you sobered up." He sighs, kissing me on the forehead. "And then we need to talk about where I've been today."

"Not to the doctor..." I panic.

"No!" He exclaims. "You think I'd do that?"

"Probably..." I mumble and he shakes his head, a small, comforting smile appearing on his lips.

* * *

"Feeling any better?" He asks, as I sip another glass of water, my eyes fixated on the floor.

"I'm so sorry." I mumble, feeling horrible for everything I had said and done to him. I had hit him, slapped him across the face when he was just trying to help me. Yet he was still here. Why? Because he loved me. He loved me. No one ever loved me. Or at least not for long.

"Why?" His tone is so soothing it makes me relax.

"For hurting you." I mutter, finally raising my eyes to where he is knelt in front of me and raising a hand to his cheek. "Does it hurt?"

"Don't worry about that." He shakes his head, putting his hand over mine before I break down again. "Carla don't cry... Seriously, I'm ok."

"I was horrible to you." I can't prevent the tears from sliding down my cheeks.

"Stop beating yourself up about that." He says it calmly, not angrily like earlier. "Come here." He sighs, sitting down next to me as I shift to cry on his shoulder. It takes me a few minutes to stop crying before I look up at him, concern in his eyes.

"Where did you go?" I croak. "I won't be mad honest."

"...I went to talk to Chelle." He sighs. "And Maria."

"...About what?" I gulp, despite the fact I had a very clear idea and the thought scared me.

"I think you know what." He says quietly, as if ashamed. "I wouldn't have, if I didn't need to."

"What did they say?" I question.

"Well I just asked them about... It. How they handled things, how you felt at the time." He gulps, I knew what he had found out. It was something I never told him.

"That I tried to kill myself." I say in his place and he squeezes his eyes shut at the thought.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I can see him forcing back tears and this killed me.

"Because it was in the past..." I trail off. "I didn't want to scare you..."

There's a short silence as he processes the information, holding me even tighter as if I was going to slip through his fingers at any point.

"Well I am scared." He finally admits. "We're both scared. I'm scared of what this is doing to you. I'm scared of losing you. I couldn't bear it Carla, I hope you know that. I hope you know that if you weren't part of my life right now I would be broken."

"I hope you know that I already am broken." I tell him. "But you're piecing me back together, bit by bit and I love you for that."


	8. Reflection

**Band-Aid on a Gunshot Wound: Chapter 8:**

 **Reflection:**

"Have you ever wanted a cat?" Nick asks, and I put my mug of coffee down, raising my eyebrows at him.

"No." I respond bluntly. "I hate cats."

"I might get a cat." He continues and I frown at him.

"Not if you're living with me you're not." I reply. "Besides, pets are banned in our block, thankfully."

"Why don't you like cats?" He questions, turning to look at me.

"Are you deluded this morning or something?" I interrogate, my voice harsher than anticipate before storming into the bathroom. "What's your obsession with cats?"

"I was just asking!" He defends himself from the living room as I open the bathroom cabinet, reaching for the tweezers.

"Sorry." I sigh, picking them up before going to close the cabinet door. "It's just that-"

Shit.

Frank.

Frank was behind me.

Stood behind me in the mirror.

"NICK!" I yell, my eyes widening in shock as I stumble backwards. He was going to grab me. I scream as I fall against something hard. It was him. He was going to do it again. Nick was in the doorway, staring in horror, trying to calm me down. But I was screaming, fighting him. "HE'S HERE!"

"Who's here?" Nick panics, coming to kneel by my side, not wanting to touch me.

"HE'S BEHIND ME! GET HIM OFF!" I scream, tears pouring down my cheeks, my heart racing.

"Carla!" He breathes, trying his best to calm me. "It's a towel rail ok?" He soothes and my head spins around in shock. "It's a towel rail, sweetheart."

"No... No no..." I point to the mirror which is above me. "He was there. I saw him... GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!"

"He's gone. Look at me. Carla, LOOK AT ME!" He orders and I turn my head to face him, panting. His expression relaxed me, his eyes full of love and concern. "He's gone. He's dead. He's never coming back. Ok? Breathe."

A cover my mouth with my hand, trying to steady myself. Had I imagined it? It had seemed very vivid to me. His face flashes through my mind and I squeeze my eyes closed.

"...He won't go." I whimper, rubbing my eyes to try and remove the image. "He won't go..." I say again, slapping myself on the forehead. I keep hitting myself. Over and over and over again. "WHY WON'T YOU GO?" I yell at Frank's face, grinning at me, teasing me, taunting me. Hit him harder. Keep hitting him. Fight him.

"Stop it." Nick grabs my arms in desperation and pulls me towards him. I try to fight him off for a few seconds before knowing it was no use and so instead resort to crying into his chest as he rocks me back and forth. "Shh..." He soothes and I could hear his voice wavering, he was crying too, I'd scared him. Nick never cried, so when he did I knew something must seriously be wrong. It hurt him so badly to see me like this. "It's ok." He continues to whisper, despite the fact I could detect the clear weakness in his voice. We were sat holding each other on the floor of the bathroom, with no idea how to climb out of the mess we were living in.

* * *

I couldn't believe I'd broken down when she needed me the most. But at least we had both shown weakness and it might be easier to open up to one another. It terrified me to see her like this, knowing there was nothing I could do to stop him terrorising her. Even after he was dead, he still went on haunting.

"Are you still feeling dizzy?" I ask, now she was sat on the sofa. I had told her to lie down whilst I made her some toast, fetching her paracetamol and water whilst I was at it. I place the plate down on the coffee table and she studies it disinterestedly.

"No, I just feel stupid." She forces a smile before tapping the sofa. "Come sit down."

"You have no need to feel stupid." I sigh, sitting down next to her as she lays her head in my chest. I put my arm around her protectively, entwining strands of her hair between my fingers.

"Do you now see why I didn't want to talk about cats?" She diverts the subject and I chuckle slightly.

"I didn't actually want a cat." I whisper into her hair and she giggles, for just a moment, until it is gone again. "But yes, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry for scaring you." She argues quietly.

"Yeah well I think we need to ban that word." I say and she nods.

"...Am I going mad?" She suddenly asks.

"No." I respond, nudging her ever so slightly. "You're not going mad, at all. It's perfectly normal."

"It's not normal." She mutters. "And even if it was I don't get why it's happening now."

"Well neither of us do." I tell her. "It's something we can't answer right now."

"Yeah but there's got to be a reason." She looks up at me, I was relieved to see she looked a lot calmer now.

"Carla..." I squeeze my eyes shut for a second, dreading having to say the words that would be released from my mouth next. "I know you don't want to... But I think you need to get some help."

"No." She shifts slightly, her body going rigid.

"Hear me out." I soothe. "Maybe just some counselling or something, I can come with you or you can go on your own. Whatever you want. But we can't carry on like this."

"I can't..." She trails off, stressing at the thought.

"Listen." I say softly, running my fingers through her hair again. "No one will have to know. It'll be completely confidential... But we can't keep doing this on our own sweetheart, it's getting out of hand now."

"You _do_ think I'm going mad." She says like a child.

"No!" I argue. "No I don't! But I do think something is seriously wrong and I can't bear to watch you deal with this by yourself anymore."

"...I'm not good at asking for help." She admits, as if I didn't already know.

"I can tell." I smile, kissing her forehead softly. "Just at least promise me you'll think about it baby. Ok?"

"Alright." She finally sighs and I link her hand with mine, staring down at her fingers. "I love you."

"I know you do." I whisper. "I love you too."


	9. Fatality

**Band-Aid on a Gunshot Wound: Chapter 9:**

 **Fatality:**

"...Hangover?" I hear Aidan's voice as he enters the office. My head was buried in my folded arms on the desk, in an attempt to fall asleep as I hadn't dared to in days.

"I wish." I mutter, aware of the fact he probably didn't hear me.

"At least you're into work on time." He replies and I still don't raise my head. "It's a rare occurrence nowadays."

"My factory. My rules." I hiss and I hear him sit down at his desk.

"So what's going on?" He asks and I finally decide to look at him.

"Nothing." I respond bluntly and he raises his eyebrows.

"Even I'm not that thick." He argues and I glare at him.

"Could've fooled me." I roll my eyes.

"What is going on with you?" He raises his voice. "You've lost the ball again Carla. Just like you did when you went through that... Self-loathing gambling phase. Or what? Is that happening again?"

"No!" I retaliate, annoyed at the constant questioning.

"Are you hitting the menopause?" He interrogates and I glare at him again.

"AIDAN!" I scold loudly. "No I'm not! Thank you." I stand up to exit before he can inquire about anything else, storming out onto the shop floor. "Where's Kirk?"

"Took the day off." Sean says absent mindlessly, whilst pulling at the elastic he was fixing onto a pair of knickers.

"Day off?" I snap. "Why?"

"Because Craig's got a school show or something." Izzy shrugs. "Hence why Beth isn't here either."

"A school show?" I virtually spit. "We've got to get this Dolman order out by five! No way is it gonna get delivered with just Kate in packing. There's a bunch of boxes upstairs that need bringing down to the loading bay."

"Well we gave them the day off." Aidan says from behind me.

"Who did?" I frown.

" _You_ did." He confirms.

"When?" I question.

"They asked a few days ago." Aidan holds his hands up. "And you said yes."

"And you didn't try and stop me?" I ask firmly.

" _Your_ factory. _Your_ rules." He imitates, grinning as he does so before disappearing into the office. Sometimes I couldn't stand him.

"Right, one of you needs to volunteer to help in packing today." I announce.

"But we've got this order to finish." Sinead objects. "We're one machinist down as well, it'll never get done otherwise."

"Right I'll get Aidan to do it then." I tell them before turning back to the office. "Oi! Employee of the month? There's some boxes that need shifting pronto. You're gonna have to do it."

"Why?" Aidan frowns.

"Because you're the only one with time on your hands." I sass.

"Uh, I've got a meeting in ten minutes that I need to prepare for." He reminds me, indicating to the files in front of him. "Besides, it doesn't look like you've been doing a fat lot all morning."

"Ha..." I scoff. "Me? Carrying boxes? I don't think so."

"Well then the order won't get out will it?" He jibes.

"...Fine." I huff, leaving the office again and heading up the stairs. I freeze in the middle of the staircase, staring up at the balcony. ' _Go home Carla and celebrate. You got the man you wanted. Though I wouldn't leave him alone too long_.' Words. Empty words. Emanating from the floor above me. I force myself to keep walking. ' _Like I said, go home_ '. No. Fight it. This was my factory, I could do as I please. _Not until you admit it_. The words replay in my mind. _That you raped me_.

I reach the top and try to push the voices out of my head, breathing heavily as I pull myself together. I had climbed this staircase many times since and not once had it affected me. ' _You won't give up will you'_?

I spin around at the sound of his voice. It sounded to real, so vivid. My eyes dart around the balcony, stacked high with cardboard and materials. ' _My name is Carla Connor and I'm an alcoholic_ '. I grab a box, supporting it on top of my arms and head for the staircase again. ' _It's been twenty minutes since my last drink and... I'm gasping for another_ '.

Ignore it.

Keep walking.

Each step is further away.

 _I'd rather be an alcoholic than a rapist_.

One, two, three, four...

' _Ohh_ , n _ow she's challenging my masculinity_ '.

Shut up.

Block it out.

 _I want to hear the words come out of your mouth_.

He was going to get me. Go faster. Seven, eight...

' _Which words Carla_?'

Almost there. It's not real. He's not real.

' _That I raped you_?'

I feel his hands on my arms, pulling me back. Keep going, don't stop. "GET OFF ME!" I yell, feeling the full force of his body, grasping at me. Pushing me.

 _I raped you_.

The words echo. I lose my footing. A sharp pain in my head. I lose everything.

 _I. Raped. You_.

* * *

"One baked potato with coleslaw." I smile, placing it down in front of a customer. "And a lasagne over here. Enjoy."

I walk away from the table, heading back to the bar. It was quiet today, which was a relief as it meant we didn't have to rush things. I turn my head to see Andy heading back with the change from the Rovers.

"Here you are." He places down a bag of coins on the counter before kissing Steph on the lips. "Hey there's an ambulance outside Underworld."

"Ambulance?" Steph's eyes widen and I freeze, listening in to their conversation. "What for?"

"Uh, dunno..." He shrugs. "Probably a cock up with the machines or something again."

"Would you really need an ambulance for that?" Steph asks and I pull myself together confidently.

"What's going on outside Underworld?" I inquire, as calmly as possible.

"I just saw an ambulance and a few police, that's all." Andy shrugs.

"That's all?" I repeat, not waiting any longer before I exit the Bistro. The factory was right next to my restaurant so I turn the corner and see the scene instantly. He was right, an ambulance was situated outside, with several employees milling around. Where was Carla? "Hey, Sean?" I approach him, trying to keep the panic out of my voice. "What's going on?"

"Uh..." I could tell by his expression that I wasn't going to hear good news. "Carla had a fall..."

"A fall?" I question, my eyes darting from him to Kate. "What do you mean?"

"She fell down the stairs." Kate says shiftily. "She was carrying some boxes but... She screamed something and then lost her footing. I saw it from the back of the factory floor."

"Well is she ok?" I stress, not caring now about my increased heart rate.

"...I don't know." Sean bites his lip. "Sorry Nick."

"Hey!" I approach a paramedic with a clipboard. "Is Carla ok?"

"Are you a relative?" She frowns.

"I'm her boyfriend." I inform her.

"Uh, well we won't know until we get her to hospital but we reckon she has been knocked unconscious." She explains. "Like I said, we can't know the full extent of her injuries until we've done some scans."

"I don't understand how-" I'm cut off when I see her being brought out of Underworld on a stretcher, which is then loaded onto a spinal board and carted into the back of the ambulance.

"Nick!" Aidan spots me as he emerges from the factory, looking flustered.

"Are you Aidan Connor?" A police officer approaches him. "The man who called the ambulance?"

"Uh yeah." He diverts his attention from me to them.

"We'd like to ask you a few questions if that's ok?" She asks.

"Well I didn't see much of it, I was in the office at the time." He tells them.

"I was a witness." Sean raises his hand excitedly.

"Yeah ok, it's not a bitch fight in the school playground." I glare at him.

"And you are?" The police woman asks.

"Sean Tully." He nods, curtly.

"Mr Tully, if you could follow me please." She beckons and he trots after her.

"Ok, I think we're ready to go." The paramedic informs Aidan and I. "Do either of you want to come with her?"

"You go. I'll bring the car." Aidan pats me on the back. "Good luck mate."

"Thanks." Is all I can reply with before I am escorted off. I duck as I enter the ambulance, my eyes fixating on Carla's rigid frame, lying before me. "Oh no..." I sigh, sitting down next to her and grabbing her cold hand.

* * *

"Carla Connor, forty years of age, birth date third of January 1975." A nurse recites as she is wheeled through the corridors of Weatherfield General. "Injuries so far unknown, but there is a suspected blow to the head and fractured ribs."

"Blow to the head?" I question, despite the fact no one was listening to me. No way were we both going to have brain damage. Why hadn't I been there to make sure she was alright? Why did I let her go into work? I could only blame myself... I knew she wasn't in the right place at the moment. "Uh, why's she going in there?"

"She's going into an x-ray room to have some scans taken." A nurse informs me. "Don't worry, she'll be out soon."

"So what am I supposed to do?" I ask.

"There's a waiting room there." She points to a seating area before disappearing with the others.

"Hey, what's the score?" I hear Aidan and spin around to see him walking hurriedly towards me with Kate.

"They're doing some... Scans or something... I don't know..." I stammer, trying to get my head around the situation. "Where's Johnny?"

"He's been in Bristol for the week." Aidan tells me.

"I don't get how it happened..." Kate murmurs. "Like one second she seems absolutely fine, shouting her head off as usual... And then she started to look really panicked and distant... Then she yelled something..."

"What did she yell?" I inquire, cautiously and I see her scan her memory.

"Uh... Go away or..." She frowns. "Get off me, that was it."

"Get off me?" I repeat, knowing immediately what that was referring to.

"Then she just fell..." Kate frowns. "Lost her footing I think... Hit her head on the rail."

"Oh God..." I mutter, covering my face in my hands.

"What I don't get is why she yelled that..." Aidan contemplates.

"I do..." I sigh, resistant at going against Carla's wishes. "...You might need to sit down for this one."


	10. Contamination

**Band-Aid on a Gunshot Wound: Chapter 10:**

 **Contamination** :

"I swear that curry house is getting busier and busier..."

I look up instantly, the sound of his voice sending a bolt of panic through my chest.

"WHAT'S HE DO-" I scream, my heart beat racing, fear surging through my body. "WHAT'S HE DOING HERE?"

Move backwards. Get away. Back away in any way possible.

"What's going on?" He asks innocently and I hate him for it. My anger bubbling over as I lurch for him. I wanted to hurt him the way he hurt me.

"WHAT'S HE DOING HERE?" I yell, my voice strained. "GET OUT! GET OUT!"

Maria's grabbed me and is holding my back. I try to fight her off. I needed to hurt him. I wanted to ruin him. How dare he walk into my house like this.

I'm being restrained, screaming and screaming and screaming. Being pulled backwards. His eyes fixated on mine. Lost, bewildered, confused.

Liar.

"CARLA?" He shouts, as if he still cares for me, gives a damn about me.

"GET HIM OUT! GET OUT NOW! GET OUT GET OUT!" I'm screaming over and over again, desperate to see him suffer, shocked he has shown his face in my flat again. "I SAID GET OUT! GO!"

"Carla!" I hear a voice, one of the many voices of people who were pulling me back. A hand on my arm where he had bruised me. I try to grab at it, trying to tear it from my flesh as they pull me backwards, as if restraining a vicious animal. I wasn't the animal, he was. "Carla!" Someone keeps repeating over and over but I don't care, I need to show him what he's done to me, what he's driven me to. Don't touch me. Get off me. "CARLA?"

"NO!" I scream my eyes flying open, my head aching, my palms sweating, everything sweating. I don't get it.

White walls, white ceiling, white bed sheets.

Purity.

No.

I couldn't stand to look at anything white.

I wasn't pure, I was dirty. I was used. I was contaminated by him and that would never end.

"These are the nightmares you mentioned?" I hear a female voice say, my eyes paralysed and cloudy. I was sodden in my own sweat, too hot, too cold. Defenceless.

"Carla sweetheart." I hear Nick's voice and it pulls me back to reality. It's his hand on my arm, the arm where I was bruised. I was bruised. Why was I bruised? I grab my arm and he shifts his hand immediately. As soon as it is released a weight is lifted. Then I sink back into darkness.

* * *

My head is spinning. Everything aches.

"Hey..." I hear a steady voice. "You're drooling on a cushion, it'll be our secret."

"You... say..." I mumble, oblivious to my surroundings. I felt drunk, completely wasted. Maybe I was. I couldn't remember what had happened last night. Confusion washes over me. But it doesn't panic me, I just feel paranormal, unaware.

I lick my lips slightly to stop the flow of saliva, but it proves extremely difficult to even do that. Even my tongue aches as I attempt to move it.

"You can go back to sleep if you want." Nick says softly. "Although it's a relief to hear your voice."

"...I think... You'd be in the minority there." I murmur and he laughs as I manage to open my eyes sleepily. "What's going on?"

"You fell down the steps at Underworld." He informs me and I try to remember. "You were knocked unconscious but you're ok. You're in hospital."

"Uhh... Back at the second home." I groan, trying to sit myself up.

"They put you under anaesthetic." He tells me. "That's why you're drowsy."

"My head hurts." I moan as he helps prop me up against some pillows. I raise a hand to my head and feel some sort of bandage covering it.

"Don't touch it." He warns me gently. "They gave you a few stitches."

"Why?" I frown.

"Because you hit your head off the rail." He sighs, reaching out to take my hand in his. "Caught it, there was just a little gash, it's ok."

"Why did I fall?" I question and his face falls slightly.

"...I don't know um..." He mutters. "I think you lost your footing or something."

"Nick." I look at him desperately, aware he wasn't telling me the truth. He studies me cautiously for a few seconds before moving his eyes to the floor.

"You yelled something." He sighs and I search him for any further information.

"Yelled what?" I ask, my voice weak.

"...Get off me. According to Kate." He gulps and my eyes widen. I knew exactly what he was referring to and exactly what had caused the fall. "Then you fell from the sixth step up, dropped the box you were carrying and landed on the floor after hitting your head."

"...I must've just been tired." I say without looking at him.

"No. Carla." He replies firmly. "We both know why it happened... You're gonna need to do something about this now. You could've died."

"Oh that's a bit extreme..." I argue.

"My heart stopped when I saw that ambulance outside your factory." He stops me. "I didn't even need to ask anyone, I didn't need to see them bringing you out. I knew. I knew something like this would happen eventually. I'm just so glad it wasn't anything worse."

"Oh well as long as you're glad then." I snap.

"I _mean_ that you could have fallen off the balcony or something." He retaliates. "You could have been paralysed or even worse, dead."

"...That's what he would have wanted." My words echo after a long silence. "He wanted me dead. I reckon he would have killed me if his mother hadn't got to him first. He had it in him to rape me... Why stop there? Because he was enjoying it too much... I hurt his pride. He wanted to take everything from me but not enough to prevent me from seeing the outcome. He wanted to gloat and watch me suffer. That was his revenge. He poisoned me. He tortured me. But ultimately he'd have wanted me dead. He wanted to be the man who I said 'till death do us part' to and mean it. For both of us..."


	11. Sedation

**Band-Aid on a Gunshot Wound: Chapter 11:**

 **Sedation:**

"I ought to tell you this before the nurses do." I pipe up as I watch her finish off her lunch, set before her on a tray. She said she usually hates hospital food, which didn't surprise me considering it was Carla, but she still wolfed it down all the same. "You had a nightmare, whilst you were um... Still unconscious.

"...How is that possible." She puts her fork down and looks at me.

"Well it was the first time you woke up..." I sigh, reluctant on telling her this. "They'd already monitored your heart rate increase and then you started to... Talk again, gradually getting louder and you got very distressed."

"I don't remember." She frowns, rubbing her eyes.

"Well you wouldn't, I don't think you were fully with it sweetheart." I smile at her. "They sedated you so you'd stop screaming."

"It makes me sound like I'm in a mental hospital." She mutters, picking up a broccoli stalk and dropping it back down on to her plate again disinterestedly.

"Uh... There's something else you should know too." I gulp. "And this you won't thank me for..."

"What?" She asks slowly, turning her head hesitantly.

"...I had to tell Aidan and Kate." I explain and her face falls.

* * *

 **Eighteen Hours Previous**

"So come on then..." Aidan looks concerned as he sits down opposite me, handing Kate a coffee who was next to him and setting mine down on the table in front of us. "What's going on?"

"Well... It's more a matter of what went on." I pause, studying their confused expressions. "Uh... You may or may not know about Frank Foster..."

"Frank Foster?" Kate frowns.

"...Rings a bell." Aidan looks distant, rubbing his hand over his stubble in thought.

"I don't know whether word would have got out... But Michelle knew and therefore may have told her parents... Who may have told you." I explain.

"So... Who is he?" Kate leans forward slightly.

"He's her ex fiancé." I inform them.

"Which one?" Aidan cracks a joke despite the fact that it wasn't the time, which receives a light slap off his sister.

"Well put it this way; he wasn't the one who slept with prostitutes or the one who almost burnt her alive in the factory, after killing your cousin." I respond bluntly and he looks at me shiftily. "In 2011 they got engaged, but on the night before their marriage Carla broke it off."

"Why?" Kate asks, inquisitively.

"Because she realised she didn't love him..." I trail off. "You must've heard about Peter Barlow."

"Ah yeah... We know all about him." Aidan drones.

"The one who got her pregnant then slept with the babysitter?" Kate's eyes widen.

"Yes... Well she was in love with him at the time." I sigh. "She didn't think it was fair on Frank to go ahead with the wedding."

"So he took it badly..." Aidan guesses, clearly already aware something went on now.

"Did he hit her?" Kate assumes and I shake my head.

"...He uh..." I stammer.

"Raped her." Aidan finishes my sentence quietly. "...No I remember Helen telling me something now..."

"He what?" Kate gasps, looking at Aidan in shock.

"It was... Possibly the worst point in her life." My words feel empty as I release them. "He took everything from her... Made her feel so vulnerable, so lost... Then he didn't stop at that; he made her out to be a liar in court, exposed her affair with Peter and then conned her out of her business."

"Underworld?" Kate frowns. "But... She still has the business..."

"She wouldn't have." I tell her. "If he hadn't been murdered that night... And then she got put in the frame for the crime."

"Well who was it?" Kate questions.

"His mother." I conclude and her eyes widen. "...Look I don't know all the details, you're best talking to Chelle about it... Although I wouldn't because I wasn't supposed to tell you."

"Hold on." Aidan shakes his head in confusion. "I don't understand... What does any of this have to do with what's going on?"

"Trust me that's the question we're trying to answer." A lump forms in my throat. "She's started having these flashbacks of it all... It's getting even more intense... It started with nightmares and flinching but now... Well now it's leading to this..."

"So that's why she screamed." Kate is lost in thought. "Before she fell down the stairs."

"That's what I'm thinking." I respond and she nods slowly.

"...So what are you gonna do?" Aidan asks. "Get her some help surely."

"I'm trying to do that yes, but it's difficult with her." I bite my lip. "I suppose the best thing we can all do is support her and look out for her..."

* * *

"Are you mad at me?" I manage to say after a long silence.

"No." She shakes her head. "You had to do it... I don't blame you."

"Are you sure?" I stifle a slight laugh and she nods, reaching for my hand but noticing the bruise on her arm in the process.

"Oh my God..." She gasps, her other hand flying to cover it up.

"What?" I frown, it was the same place she had removed my hand from in her nightmare.

"It's... That..." She points, trying to get her words out. "It's there."

"You bruised it when you fell." I reassure her.

"No. It's the same as when..." She trails off. "...As when he raped me."


	12. Acceptance

**Band-Aid on a Gunshot Wound: Chapter 11:**

 **So this is just a short filler chapter because I need a bridge between here and where I want to go with it. Sorry for lack of updates, I've been very busy.**

 **Acceptance:**

"Here you go." I open the door of the flat for her as she limps in on crutches, looking around bewilderedly. She supports herself as she makes her way over to the sofa, as I go to help her lower herself down onto it. "Brew?"

"Mm..." She mumbles, which I take as a yes. I leave her to go and put the kettle on, watching her lost expression carefully out of the corner of my eye.

"Glad to be home?" I attempt to strike up the conversation, pulling two mugs out of the cupboard. She's silent, which I ignore for a few moments before I hear her crying. Very quiet, as if trying to cover it up. "Carla..." I turn to look at her, approaching the sofa slowly. I was afraid to touch her but she looked so weak sat there alone that I sit myself down next to her, wrapping my arm around her back as she curls into my side. "Duvet day... Hmm?"

* * *

"Can I make you anything to eat?" I whisper as I stroke her hair back. Her head was laid in my chest and her eyes were closed, she looked so peaceful. "Some toast?"

"Mmm..." She mumbles, not wanting to open her mouth as it might disturb her.

"You know we're gonna have to talk at some point." I say in the most soothing tone I could.

"I know..." She murmurs. "But not now... Please."

"Ok." I smile, wrapping a lock of her hair around my finger. The world seems to rest for a moment until the buzzer rings out loudly into the flat. Carla jumps out of her skin, moving herself to the edge of the sofa, a look of panic filling her face. "It's alright." I calm her as her breathing rate increases. I kiss her on the forehead before going to answer the door. "Yep." I say into the intercom in a disinterested tone.

"Nick it's Michelle." I hear her familiar voice. "Can I come up?"

"Yeah, go ahead." I press the button. "Carla... It's Chelle."

"Oh ok." She forces a smile, pulling herself up off the sofa and back onto her crutches, as I open the door for her best friend.

"Come here you." Michelle sighs as she enters the flat, practically running over to Carla and wrapping her arms around her. "I was so worried." She whispers into her hair before untying herself and studying her face. "You look shattered."

"Mm..." Carla nods. "I am."

"Oh sweetheart." Her eyes move to the bruises on her head, a look of concern in her eyes. "You know you need to sort this out."

"Yeah I know I do!" Carla raises her voice and looks at me for reassurance. "...I know I do... Sorry."

"Listen." Michelle sits her down on the sofa, taking her hand in her own. "I don't know why this is happening... I'm sure you don't know either. But I can't bear to think of you backtracking to how you were after it happened. I just want you to be safe... And this? This clearly isn't safe."

"I'm going to look after her." I pipe up and she turns to face me. "You know that right?"

"Yeah." Michelle smiles at me. "You're lucky to have him." She says to Carla and she nods, glancing at me. "Right I'll get off then, I just wanted to check you were ok."

"Thanks for stopping by." Carla murmurs, I could tell how tired she was by her tone of voice.

"Take care." She squeezes her hand before getting up and walking towards the door. She stops in front of me, hesitating before giving me a hug. "Thank you." She whispers in my ear before leaving.

"...Can we talk now?" Carla asks after a short silence and I sit myself down next to her. I give her a reassuring look, urging her to go on. "...You're right... You're both right... I um... I need help." She stammers. "I'm a mess-"

"You're not a mess." I cut her off, it killed me when she put herself down like that.

"I am... A mess." She meets my eyes. "But the only way I can do this is if you promise. Promise you're going to stand by me... I can't do this by myself Nick, not again."

"Carla..." I sigh as she shuffles closer to me, laying her head in my chest. "Of course I will... I promise you I'm not going anywhere."


	13. Recovery

**Band-Aid on a Gunshot Wound: Chapter 13:**

 **Recovery:**

The sun streams through the blinds and casts a radiant beam over Carla's face. It was if she was glowing, which I was hoping she would be soon. Today I had booked a doctors appointment with the GP to talk over what had been happening and hopefully get the right help for her. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, trying to get her to open up to a stranger, but I could only hope for the best.

She begins to stir, but doesn't wake. I leave her for a few minutes thinking maybe it was just a moment of restlessness. But when I see beads of sweat beginning to form on her forehead I know it's no ordinary dream... Well... In her case it was.

"Wake up." I whisper, placing a hand on her arm gently. Her breathing rate is increasing, her chest pulsating beneath the thin material of her pyjama top. "Carla..." I say a bit louder, fear encasing me as I watch her battle her demons. Her eyes fly open suddenly and she stops still, staring straight up at the ceiling. "It's ok... Just a nightmare." I reassure her and she turns her head at the sound of my voice.

"...Nightmare." She repeats, scrunching her eyes up tightly before rubbing them with her fist. "I'm alright..."

"Yeah keep telling yourself that." I chuckle and she smiles, looking at me hesitantly before shuffling towards me. She sighs deeply as she lays her head in my chest, shifting herself virtually on top of me as I wrap my arms around her. "...You know we have this appointment today."

"Mmm..." She mumbles in response. "I'm so excited..."

"It'll be fine." I whisper into her hair, the scent of her sweet shampoo relaxed me as I close my eyes, twisting a lock of hair around my finger and then unraveling it.

"Nick..." She says quietly. "I'm scared."

"You don't have to be scared." I assure her, kissing the top of her head affectionately. "This is going to help you I promise."

"...Will you come in with me?" She continues.

"If you want me to." I reply and she relaxes slightly in my arms. "I can help you out or I don't have to say anything, I'll just sit and hold your hand."

"...Nick?" She asks again after a long silence and I mumble in response. "...Can I have a treat on the way home if I'm good?"

I start laughing then, and she is too. It was music to my ears. She hadn't cracked any jokes in weeks. I hadn't heard that lighthearted giggle for far too long. I missed it. I missed her. I missed us.

* * *

"Carla Connor to room twelve please." A voice rings out and I freeze beneath where Nick's arm was lying across my shoulders. "Carla Connor to room twelve."

"...This is it." I murmur.

"It's a GP." He smiles, taking my hand as I get up. I had managed to get rid of the crutches, but I was still not completely back to normal stability wise. "All you have to do is explain what's been happening."

I knock hesitantly before opening the door to the small white room. A woman sat at a desk, her hands clasped together on the wooden surface. Shit. Ok. What was I supposed to say?

"Carla Connor?" She asks and I nod, still grasping Nick's hand as he takes a seat behind me. "And you are?"

"Sorry, Nick Tilsley." He reaches out to shake her hand. "Carla's boyfriend."

"Ok, what seems to be the problem?" She gives me a warm smile but the question doesn't sink in.

 _What seems to be the problem?_

 _How could I answer that?_

 _Where do I begin?_

"Um..." I force myself to say something, in the fear that otherwise she would send me away for wasting her time. What was I doing here? Did I really need all this? It was a bit extreme.

"Take your time." She reassures me and I open my mouth before closing it again.

"...Well I don't really know where to start." Is what I manage to muster and she nods. "I don't think I'm... Right... At the moment."

"What do you mean?" She frowns slightly.

"...A while ago I was um..." I gulp, a lump forming in my throat. "I was sexually... assaulted... Raped." The word falls off my tongue and by that point I can't stop the words from flowing. "I thought I was over it but I'm not. I don't think I'll ever get over it. People told me to move on. Told me I was pathetic. Told me I was a liar. But I'll never forget what he did to me. Never forget how dirty I felt... Against my own will. He will never leave my mind and that is something that will haunt me for the rest of my life."

There's a brief pause as she absorbs the information I have just told her.

"Alright." She nods, sympathetically. "Did you get help at the time of this incident?"

"Yes..." I tell her. "But it didn't seem to do anything... I was made out to be a liar afterwards, everyone thought I was faking it... Why would I make something like that up?"

"And where is this man now?" She continues.

"He's... He's dead, he was murdered." I gulp. "Not by me. By his mum... I have a very confusing life story."

"Would you like to go into it?" She asks and I look at Nick for approval.

"Well I don't think you'll get through your other clients if I do." I say and Nick gives a slight laugh.

"Give me a brief overview." She smiles. A brief overview? Nothing about my life was brief what-so-ever.

"Ok... Well I was born on an estate." I begin. "I never knew my dad, my mam was an alcoholic who didn't love me and my stepdad, George was abusive. I was depressed as a teenager, I self harmed, I hated myself, I hated my mother for giving birth to me, putting me through the pain I endeavoured... I married my first husband Paul, for his money... He bought a factory after six years and so I moved to Weatherfield with his family. Then I discovered he slept with prostitutes, one of which was my best friend at the time. I began a relationship with a man named Tony, whilst having an affair with my brother in law... Liam, who had a pregnant wife Maria. Tony got extremely jealous, had him murdered, didn't tell me for months until I found out he strangled an old man who knew his dirty secret, after we got married. I ran off to LA and when I returned I found out he was engaged to Maria, who was Liam's pregnant wife originally, that's the man he had murdered. I thought I murdered his wing man by hitting him over the head with a statue when he came to hunt me down, by Tony's command. Tony got sent to prison, I began a relationship with a lovely bloke named Trevor. But then Tony escaped from inside and held me hostage in my own factory, along with my friend Hayley, who was like my mother. I watched him shoot an innocent man dead. He set the factory on fire and attempted to burn me alive but I got out. I watched him die in the explosion. Trevor and I broke up, I became an alcoholic, I fell in love with another alcoholic, Peter who was already in a relationship with someone else... This was the prostitute who originally slept with my first husband... In a bid to get over him I started seeing a new man called... Frank Foster... He was a colleague at work who bought into the business. He proposed to me fairly quickly and I was emotionally forced into saying yes. Um, I got drunk at our engagement party and ran down Leanne's mother... She's the ex prostitute... Leanne, not her mother... Anyway... When I tried to break it off with Frank he got aggressive, he knew I was in love with Peter so he... He raped me. He left me feeling completely empty, causing me to attempt suicide, before I began an affair with Peter, which he then exposed in court in front of his wife and Frank was justified as innocent. He was later murdered by his mother after threatening to rape me again and conning me out of my business. I was put in the frame for his murder until she was found guilty and then after a custody battle with Peter's son, Simon, we went off to LA to let off some steam. When we returned, my brother Rob, who had showed up the previous year, had tried to buy my business dirt cheap by lowering its standards. I kicked him out the business and ran it with my best friend and ex sister in law Michelle. Peter lost the Bookies he ran through debt and came to work in the factory with me, we got engaged and Michelle left, leaving me and him to run it ourselves... My friend Hayley, who I mentioned earlier, was diagnosed with cancer. Uh... After marrying Peter she died and I got pregnant with his child... A little girl... I never wanted children but when... I loved her. But I lost her. I found out that Peter was having an affair with our baby sitter, Tina. He was back on the drink and it started on our wedding night. It pushed me over the edge and I lost the baby due to stress. Tina was murdered, by my brother Rob, but Peter was put in the frame for it and sent to prison. When I found out it was Rob I called the police on his wedding day to my arch enemy Tracy and he went on the run before being turned in by her. Peter left, Rob got a life sentence and Tracy hated me for it. Before saving me from a minibus crash that I could have easily died in. However after that she set my flat alight with a candle, killing two people; Kal and Maddie in the process and making me think that I did it. She let me believe I was a murderer for months, I began a gambling addiction before she confessed to me when I was about to commit suicide for the second time by jumping off the edge of a quarry. At this point I had just begun my relationship with Nick, who never gave up on me through my whole melt down phase... We've been in love ever since..."

"...Um..." The GP looks shocked, speechless. "...Ok..."

"Carla how do you remember all that?" Nick asks.

"Because I go over it every night in my head." I reply. "It's almost as if it's a story I haven't lived... That I've rehearsed over and over. But I have... Unfortunately."

I feel his hand take mine, squeezing it tightly.

"Right well." The doctor snaps back into action. "I'm going to write you a referral for counselling and also book an appointment with the mental health nurse."

"Mental health nurse?" I repeat, my eyes widening. "Why?"

"Just so they can check you out properly." She starts scribbling down on a piece of paper and I exchange a worried glance with Nick.

"What so..." I muster. "You think I might... Be ill?"

"Not necessarily." She tells me. "We just don't want to leave anything uncovered. "You could be suffering from depression, anxiety or maybe even a mild case of schizophrenia..."

"Schizo... Whatser?" I stutter before she hands me a piece of paper with a date and time on.

* * *

"I am proud of you you know." Nick finally says as we leave the hospital, he links his hand with mine and I rest my head on his shoulder. "I know that must have been so hard for you to do."

"Yeah well... You chose to have a... Messed up girlfriend." I mumble and he stops in his tracks.

"You're not 'messed up'." He sighs, looking into my eyes. "Ok? Whatever happens, I'm going to help you get better. You will get better. But you can't do it all by yourself."

He kisses me gently and all my fear melts away. It was how it used to be, just me and him. Completely in love with one another. Butterflies in my stomach. His fingers running through my hair. I wanted that again. I wanted to be happy.

I can be happy. Frank will not stop me.

 _ **Thank you for reading! That's it from this book but I will be starting my new sequel to 'The Day He Fell In Love With Me' soon. However I'd like to tie up the loose ends on I'm From Weatherfield first... Thanks for your support again!xx**_


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